Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
