He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
