You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Never underestimate the power of titties
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
