So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
