He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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