no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
