I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
