im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
