yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
