true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize