I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
