"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
