I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you win again, gameday.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
