batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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