Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
