Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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