i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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