just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
They are going to name an STD after you.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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