oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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