no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
