and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize