Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
