ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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