I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize