in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
