i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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