okay pat passed out under dana's car
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have aggressive nipples.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
