he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
nutella sex= disaster
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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