Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
zippers are such a cool invention
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
