woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
