I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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