Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
