Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
