An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize