Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
