I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
