but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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