I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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