party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
