i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
