i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
