I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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