youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
