Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
