How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
