and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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