O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
