This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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