There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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