Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize