so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
