I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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