Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
