I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize