I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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