I am puke
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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