last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
