3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
