If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
