Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize