4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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