at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
