Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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