but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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