You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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