My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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