How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
