I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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