but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize