the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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