hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
