well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
