I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
