I'm gonna have a badass scar
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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