Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
