Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
