she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
