i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize