So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
