i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
