I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
