he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
