hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Did I show you my penis last night?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize