It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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