I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize