dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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