Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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