Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
