I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
