Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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