She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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