I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
