dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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