Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
