Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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