Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
