So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
