Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
