Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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