i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
