i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
