Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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