It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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